This is what I have been pondering today. When something goes ”wrong” it’s very common for us to try to find somebody to blame, to find a reason for that what happened. We blame ourselves or we blame the other/others. But in my experience, when I have looked back, I have always, always found things that I maybe could have done differently (but then again couldn’t, see every moment is that choise) and where the other/others could have acted differently to stop the chain reaction, because that’s what it always is, a chain reaction.
We try to find where it started, who started it? But can you really tell when did it start? When and where did it all start? Because ,when did you get the trauma, that made you react the way you reacted in the first place, can you tell that? And what caused you to have that trauma, what was the event or person? And what and where did they get their trauma?
So when we compine all this together, there is never just one factor. It is this great big event, where everything affects everything else at the same time, so there really is no one thing or person to blame or shame. It is always a combination of factors coming together and creating an event, that we choose to label good or bad based on the way it makes us feel. If it makes us feel bad or dissapointed, we label it as bad. If it makes us feel good and satisfyed we label it as good. But is it really? Because in the end, all it is, is our emotional experience which once again is just a reaction, a chain reaction that creates it’s own ripple effects.
So the only way to find peace in a situation like this is to step back, step aside, become an observer. In a complete acceptance of what is going on or has evolved. That is the only way to stop the chain reaction. That is the only way to heal those old wounds and stop new ones from forming.
Now, even though it is best to be as observative as you can, as detached as you can, I still highly recommend that you do this detective work. That you go back and look, step by step, what happened, without judgement, without labeling yourself or the other/others. Just do as objective detective work as you can, to remember the steps that lead to where you are in your experience right now. So, that you can discover this truth, that there really is nobody to blame. By practising this looking back observation, you can find it out yourself, and you can find forgiveness if it is needed in your emotional experience, in your emotianal state, where you are at the moment. You can find forginess for yourself as well for the others. Because you can see clearly that it is just a never ending, ever unfolding event that includes absolutely everyone, and absolutely everything. Everything affects everything, so be merciful for yourself as well as for the others. And try to find gratefulness for this experience, that life has given you.